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Literature
'I Hate' list
I hate that I'm easily-influenced enough to make a "I hate" list.
I hate that this list is going to make me sound like a whiny little bitch.
I hate how shitty art gets more favorites and attention than some beautiful art I've seen floating around here.
I hate how immature I am for resenting popular artists.
I hate how selfish I sound when I say my art deserves more attention.
I hate how anime seems to be the only thing that gets on the front page.
I hate badly drawn anime.
I hate unoriginal anime.
I hate how a lot of anime characters don't have noses, because NOSES ARE GODDAMN HARD TO DRAW.
I hate how people are going to try and ex
Literature
Night Dream
Night Dream
Where one might find deep beauty
In day's bright sun filled light,
Another may find deep beauty
In a radiant moonlit night.
Stay with me tonight
See the wonder in my ways,
For when blessed starlight fades
I must away by mornings first rays.
Literature
Chained Angel
-
If you would have wings, you said you will fly,
leaving me behind, I thought as I cry,
when you had your wings, I made up a lie,
the moment you'll go, I said I will die.
-
I grasped tight at your wings as your tears start to flow,
I have put you on chains forbidding you to go,
you've always wished to fly, that, I have always known,
but me to be alone, your freedom I have thrown.
-
You are always dreaming the vast sky that's so bright,
and in the velvet night you will shine as a light,
and if you will now fly, it's such joy in my sight,
but if I am down here, for me it isn't right.
-
The cage has been broken, oh, yourself you
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Don't die of shock now folks...I have actually written something.
This turned into a really long one. It's a bit different to what I usually write, so thoughts are much appreciated.
For Feedback Frenzy:
Did you notice any typos/errors such as that which I've missed?
Did the story keep your interest, or when there any parts that became a bit slow and stagnated?
Were there any lines/images that seemed out of place and inconsistent with the narrative voice?
Thanks for reading!
This turned into a really long one. It's a bit different to what I usually write, so thoughts are much appreciated.
For Feedback Frenzy:
Did you notice any typos/errors such as that which I've missed?
Did the story keep your interest, or when there any parts that became a bit slow and stagnated?
Were there any lines/images that seemed out of place and inconsistent with the narrative voice?
Thanks for reading!
Mature
© 2012 - 2024 Kitri-du-Lac
Comments6
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Overall Vision Originality
Technique ImpactHi there! I am here as part of the Feedback Frenzy.
Very interesting! Who is stalking who? I really enjoyed reading this! This was very well written and flowed well. Your use of imagery, as with when she applies the cream nightly was very visual. Such an intimate activity, when he finds out she knows he's been watching her, I started to wonder how long she's known...maybe she wasn't watching just herself in the mirror.
I only noticed a couple of typos...one close to the beginning - she looses her hair - I think would sound better with loosens her hair. Oh, and towards the end of the story when he's in the job centre: I had a good nights rest - should be "night's".
Your use of repetition was great. For me, it almost seemed like a foreign movie, with not much dialogue and mundane daily routines. It was very intriguing, especially when her routine changed with applying cream, and then the repetitive question from him asking "why". You portrayed his struggle to talk to her very well. I felt frustrated!
I liked how you created the shopping square and gave the teenage groups roles like a ballet scene. The two groups interacted even like they would in ballet, including making way for the main dancer. <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/s/s…" width="15" height="15" alt="
" title=" (Smile)"/>The end of the story was good, it finally revealed why she recognized him after just 'one' encounter. I also liked how she reacted to his voyeurism and actually became a rather dislikeable character, first encouraging him to watch her and then tormenting him by bringing a man home. At first I thought she was interested in him.
Overall, this was a great story. The narrative voice was good and the entire story seemed to come from him. I felt sympathetic for the man, his struggles and his embarrassment which finally led to his decision to leave the theatre. Like listening to any person telling a story, they conveniently leave out details that they don't want to share. In retrospect, it should have been apparent from the continued ballet references with the shopping district and because he already knew she was a ballet dancer.
Keep up the great work. <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/s/s…" width="15" height="15" alt="
" title=" (Smile)"/>